I love being married, when I was younger I wasn't sure if I wanted to get married and have kids, but I knew I wanted to travel the world. Until I watched the movie Cheaper By the Dozen. I don't know why that movie was the kicker for me, it doesn't show parenting to be this amazing thing everyone needs to try, until the end I guess. I don't want a dozen kids. I want half a dozen, 6 kids, I know, I am crazy.
I have been married to a man who I don't deserve in the slightest for 3 months. I knew I didn't deserve him when we were engaged and the more we are together the more I realize that he made a mistake in marrying me. I can't be all that he wants and needs. I can't give selflessly and put his needs before mine. I am selfish, I want him to get me a glass of water while I lay in bed. I don't want to have to get up, and go get him something. Why? He would do it for me in a heart beat. "I just don't feel like it." That's why I don't want to go get him his whatever he wants.
A little background on us, we are not your traditional couple. I have a daughter, he has 2 sons outside of our marriage. We got engaged in March of 2014, we found out we were expecting our own child on his birthday, July 10, we planned our wedding for October 2014. I am walking down the isle pregnant?!?!? That wasn't the plan. I wanted to get pregnant on our honeymoon or a couple months after. So, we have extra hoops and bumps to go along with being newlyweds and learning each other and spending the majority of our first year of marriage living with my parents. I would like to say my "I don't feel like it" is because I am 9 months pregnant or I am making up excuses. When he was sick, I would go down and check on him, make sure he had ginger ale, crackers, and offered to make him soup. So, why is it that I "don't feel like" getting him something when is healthy but no problem when he is sick? Needless to say, this has been on my mind the past week and I've been thinking of what I can do to make sure I am the best wife to him as he is the best husband to me.
Taking a little bit of a step back and evaluating why I do or don't do these things for my husband is a pretty big step for me. For me to be completely honest about myself, if we disagree on something and it's about who is right and who is wrong I have a heard time admitting I am wrong. "Even when I am wrong I am right." I am slow to admit when I am wrong with my husband. I am quick to tell him "told you so." My goal for our marriage right now is for me to be better about doing things for my husband when he asks me for something and taking a step back and thinking "is it really worth an argument to prove I am right about xyz?" Isn't marriage about being right together and not against each other?
- The Learning Wife
